Most people do not know our story of adoption. People know we want to adopt but they have never heard why or how we even got here. I thought today might be a good day to begin sharing that information.
Last night my little man was sick and up until about 3 am. While I sat with him and rubbed his little head, I thought about my other babies that are to come. And the nights that I will sit and rub their heads while they try to go back to sleep. I realized that even though I did not give birth to this child, I am his mother. I think I always knew that, but the Lord really reveled it to me in a sweet way. I am the one who stays up with him til 3 am when he is sick. I am the one who cheers him on when he is going the wrong way on the soccer field. He is my baby boy and no one can ever take that away from me. :-)
When Scott and I are were starting out (2000) we were told that we probably would not be able to have children. I think for awhile we were ok with that. Adoption was a part of both of our families. We had planned to adopt we just didn't realize it would come so soon.
After a couple of years of married bliss, we decided we wanted a family. We looked into adoption and foster care but nothing was really working out. Imagine my surprise when I found out I was pregnant! It was June 2004, and I decided to tell Scott by giving him a Father's Day card. Problem was I couldn't wait until Father's Day! We were so happy. Our church family was so happy. We couldn't believe the Lord had decided to bless us with a child.
I began to show pretty quickly and was in maternity clothes by about 9 weeks. I could out eat any guy so that probably had something to do with it! By week 10 something was wrong. I went in for an ultrasound and the ultrasound tech told me the baby was only about 6 weeks in size. I told him that couldn't be. I was 10 weeks along. He flat out told me I would probably miscarry that week. WOW!! I couldn't believe he felt his was his place to be so rude and unkind and hurtful.
The next week we went to the dr and she had another ultrasound done. This ultrasound tech was so sweet and kind. She couldn't tell me anything but I knew in my heart something wasn't right. That Friday, the dr called and told us that I had a blighted ovum. The sac had never attached itself and even though I grew like I was pregnant the baby had stopped growing and had died. I choose to wait for my body to miscarry on its own.
Right after we hung up with the doctor, I cried and cried. The phone rang again and it was one of Scott's friends from growing up. He and his wife were in town and wanted to know if we wanted to get together. Scott told them what had just happened and we decided to go with them. We needed to get out of the house. The Lord knew we would need our friends and I am so thankful He sent them along. I think I survived that night because they were there.
The next week my mom came and nothing happened. We dropped her off at the airport to go home and we picked up my brother. About an hour after we arrived home we sped off for the hospital. I can't describe to you what I went through because it is so graphic. But I do know the peace of the Lord filled my soul. We decided to name our precious little one Rylee. It was a name I had chosen years ago and because we did not know the gender it fit perfectly.
Scott went to the waiting room to check on my brother. While he was gone, I began to sing.
When peace like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll.
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
It is well, with my soul.
It is well, IT IS WELL with my soul!
At that moment. I knew God's perfect peace. His peace really does pass all understanding. I can't sing that song without thinking about my babies that are in heaven. I know they are in the presence of Jesus safe and secure. I don't know why we were allowed to climb that mountain only to roll down it, but God had a plan. In a small way, we did figure it out later.
I did find out later that my brother had been on the phone with an old school friend. He didn't know it at the time, but she was pregnant as well. He was sharing with her what was happening and she told me later that she couldn't imagine what I was going through. We were due around the same time. A few years later, my brother married that friend. I have a beautiful niece named Mady. She was born 2 days after I was due with Rylee. I must admit, I can't help but look at her and wonder what those two would be up to if Rylee was here. On December 9th, my brother will officially adopt Mady. It will be the 2nd time we have gone to court to make an adoption final in this family! I am so excited I can hardly stand it!!
Well, I have gone on long enough. I guess you will have to come back tomorrow to read Part 2 of this journey.
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