A Letter to My Son

Dear Trent,

Today is your 5th birthday!  It is hard to believe that 5 years ago I did not even know you existed.  I wasn't there to hold you or to hear your first cry, but you were in my heart long before you came to live with me.  I prayed everyday for your arrival not knowing where you were.  I prayed for your safety and longed for the day that I would hold you in my arms. 

I love that 5 years later I can hug on you whenever I want (well, as long as you stay still).  I love that I get to cover you in kisses.  I'm thankful that God allowed me to be the one that you want at 3am when you  have had a bad dream or you don't feel good.  I love that you call me your "sweet girl". 

I love listening to you pray that your brother and sister will come home very soon.  I love writing your name on the bottom of your Buzz Lightyear and Woody so that everyone knows you love them.  I love listening to you telling me that Jonah was in the whale of the belly for 5 YEARS!  I love that everything (and I mean everything) has a voice.  I love that your world is so happy and carefree.

5 years ago there was another women who held you.  I won't pretend to know her heart at that time, but I imagine that she memorized your little face and kissed your sweet nose.  I think she knew in her heart that you were meant for someone else.  I think she knew that it was the only birthday she would get to be a part of.

I have no doubt that she is thinking of you today.  I can't imagine how her heart must hurt.  I know that she wishes she had made different decisions in her past but she once told me that she knows that God meant you for me.  I'm thankful that she believes that.  I'm thankful that she has allowed us to be a family.  I'm thankful that she has allowed me to be your mother. 

I pray that this year will be amazing.  I pray that God will continue to mold you into a sweet, loving little boy.  I pray that He will answer your prayer and that your brother and sister will come home.  And I pray that you will learn to love Jesus and to trust in Him in all things. 

I love you so much my sweet boy.  I can't wait to see what this year holds.

Love,
Mommy

T-Shirt Sale!!!

We are working hard to sell the last of our t-shirts.  We have several left so I thought I would post the sizes and styles we have left at a reduced price.  If you are interested in purchasing a shirt, you can purchase them on the right hand side.  Make sure you let me know what size you need and where to ship it. 

The t-shirts are black and look like this:

Here is what I still have:

Men's $15.00
3-Medium
3-Large
4-XL
2-XXL

Women's $15.00
5-Medium
4-Large
2-XL

Kids- $10.00 (I can order more kids if needed)
1-Small

A HUGE Blessing

Yesterday, Scott came home at an unexpected hour.  I was a little confused as to why he was home when he handed me an envelope.  I opened it up and inside was a check for $1000!!  Another $1000 for our adoption fund!  Inside was a little note asking us to keep this family up to date on what we going on with our adoption.

This family has been an incredible blessing to us.  They hardly know us, yet they see something in us and they believe in what we are doing.  I was thinking last night about how I want to see people and love them and believe in them where they are.  I pray that one day I too can write a check for $1000 to help someone with something they believe in.  I'm so thankful when people listen to the prompting of the Lord. 

On our end, we are still searching for a birthmother.  We pray that the Lord will send the right person our way very soon.  We are asking everyone to pray with us as we seek the Lord's guidance on this matter.

Words

*I don't mean to get off the adoption blog track, but God is working in my heart and I believe this is part of the journey.

Gossip.  1 word, 2 syllables.  Just a small little word that holds more hurt and pain then one would care to admit.  In "christian" circles we refer to it as "prayer requests".  It is something that little old ladies do and we laugh.  It is how we get the most up to date news on our favorite celebrity.  Something that no one wants to be the recipient of but often has no problem doing.  What is it about knowing something about someone else that draws us (mainly women) in?

Over the years I have been a recipient of gossip.  There is nothing that gets me stirred up more than being talked about.  As a pastor's wife, being the center of gossip is not uncommon and I have learned to deal with it.  I'm not going to say it doesn't hurt, but I can deal with it better than I used too.  I am learning who I am and who I need to be.  I am learning that people's approval is not necessary in my life.  I have been placed on this earth to serve only One and that is my focus.

Having said that, it is confession time.  I am POSITIVE I have been on the giving end of gossip, more often that the receiving end.  I don't know what it is that draws us into it, but it does.  I have said things out of anger and hurt.  I have "released information" because I wanted to have the upper hand.  I have commented on subjects because I wanted someone to like me.  None of these things are excuses because gossip is just plain wrong.  Gossip has NEVER brought the good out in anyone.

The Bible tells us in Proverbs 10:31, "The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, but a perverse tongue will be cut out." (NIV)  I can't tell you how many times I wish I could cut out my tongue after I have said something.  I wish I could reach out and grab the words I've said before they reach someone's ears.  There are so many things that I wish I could take back.

Over the last couple of months, I have been praying that God would make me more like His Son.  I believe that God is answering my request.  This is one area where He has really been working on me.  I know this journey will be long and painful and will never end until I reach Heaven, but I have decided that I will allow the process to make me stronger, wiser, and more like Jesus.  I pray that the words of my mouth will be pleasing unto the Lord.

So, I want to apologize deeply to those I have hurt with my words.  I'm sorry for the things that I have said that have been out of line and unacceptable.  I'm sorry that I have said things to degrade you while lifting myself up.  I'm sorry for hurting you and I hope that you will accept my apology and be able to forgive me.

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth,  but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."  Ephesians 4:29 

Busy Little Bees

We have been so busy over the last few weeks.  Things have been so crazy around here.  I have been working on bridesmaids dresses for a wedding at the end of the month and next I will be working on the wedding cake. 

I have also been working on a Mocktail Party for Indianapolis/Surrounding area Pastor's Wives and Women in Ministry.  If you or someone you know is a Pastor's wife or is in a lead position of ministry, PLEASE tell her about this party.  It will be a great time for her to connect with other women in ministry.  Registration is being held at indymocktail.eventbrite.com and closes August 13th.

As far as adoption goes, Scott and I did receive our home study notebook back.  We were hoping to get it back considering it contained background checks that we had paid for.  I thought it was funny that it was sent with a letter that stated the agency was so sorry we couldn't work something out.  Sad thing is they never tried.  It was their way or the highway on this issue so we took the highway.  So, we have decided to take the next 2 months to search for a birthmother.  We have been kind of quiet about it because we do not want to be offered a scam.  This is a very serious step.  We have sent word to some pastors and friends and ask that you pray that God will send the right birthmother our way.  Every day at lunch and dinner, Trent prays for his brother and sister and asks God to send them home soon.  I am praying that God will answer his request quickly.