Birth Order

When Scott and I decided to adopt again, we wanted to make sure that Trent remained the oldest.  This meant we only wanted to adopt a child(ren) under the age of 5.  At the time we felt it was important that Trent be the oldest in our family.  I honestly do not know why we felt/feel that way, but we do.  In reality, Trent is the middle child.  He has an older biological sister and a younger biological brother.  In our family, however, he is an only child.  It is funny because I see the "oldest" characteristics, "middle" characteristics and "only" child characteristics in him.  I've often wondered how the birth order plays into a child's development and security.  I'll admit I have not done a lot of research on this topic so I have no answers.

Last week, I was reading an adoption blog here.  If you don't want to read the story here it is in a nutshell.  A boy in an orphange in the Ukraine will 16 at the end of the year.  He will be turned out on the streets with a few belongs and some money.  He has had no upbringing to help him transition into this new life and will most likely end up homeless and addicted to drugs.  This is a common story for orphans.  These children have no skills and very little education.  They do not go to college and become law abiding citizens.  These children have nothing and no one.  Now that you have read the story in a nutshell, I URGE you to click on the link.  I do not know if a family has been found for him, but many have stepped up.

After reading about this my heart was convicted.  I began to think of all the times I have looked at photolistings and would not consider a child because they were older than my 5 yr old.  I won't even consider adopting them because of their age.  What is wrong with me?  If I truly have the heart of God for the orphan than what does it matter?  How can I continue to share my love for the orphan when I limit it?  Jesus doesn't love us because of anything we have done or our age, He loves us because we are His children. 

I truly desire to have a heart like His.  That means excepting and loving all orphans.  It means finding homes for some and bringing others into our home.  When I get to Heaven, I don't want God to show me the missed opportunities because I wanted my first child to be the oldest.  How many little lives will I miss out on being a part of because of my selfishness or my logic.  If there is one thing I have learned when it comes to God there is no logic!  I pray that I will be open to whatever He has for us and know that He is in control of my children's lives and no matter how they fall in the birth order they are loved and cared for.

Just Being Honest

Tonight we finished up our last home study visit.  Everything went really well.  We hope to have our home study completed by the end of the year.  If the last little bit of paperwork gets in this should happen.  Things have been so much better with our current agency and I love working with them.

One thing was brought up tonight that has my wheels turning.  It was suggested to us that we open ourselves up a little more when it comes to the type of contact we will have with the birthmother.  I will be honest.  I don't really know how I feel.  The idea of having a relationship with the birthmother scares me.  I don't know if this comes from the past experience of being a foster parent and dealing with parents in the foster care system or what. 

It isn't that I don't want my child to know their biological parents but I want the opportunity to be a family.  This probably all sounds wrong and I don't mean for it too.  I just don't know how I feel about the whole openness thing.  How do I tell one child that they cannot have any communication with their biological parents when their sibling does?  How do you decide for your child that knowing or not knowing their biological parents is the right thing?

Part of me is beginning to second guess this whole thing.  If we do not open ourselves up there is the possibility of a very long wait for a birthmother.  If we do open ourselves up, I am at risk of doing something I'm not sure I am comfortable with.  Adopting internationally would make the decision for us.  My heart is in turmoil.  I really don't know what is right at this moment.  I guess I've said all of that to say this: please pray that God gives us peace.  One way or another I need peace to trust His plan for our lives and the lives of our children.