A Letter to My Son

Dear Trent,

Today is your 5th birthday!  It is hard to believe that 5 years ago I did not even know you existed.  I wasn't there to hold you or to hear your first cry, but you were in my heart long before you came to live with me.  I prayed everyday for your arrival not knowing where you were.  I prayed for your safety and longed for the day that I would hold you in my arms. 

I love that 5 years later I can hug on you whenever I want (well, as long as you stay still).  I love that I get to cover you in kisses.  I'm thankful that God allowed me to be the one that you want at 3am when you  have had a bad dream or you don't feel good.  I love that you call me your "sweet girl". 

I love listening to you pray that your brother and sister will come home very soon.  I love writing your name on the bottom of your Buzz Lightyear and Woody so that everyone knows you love them.  I love listening to you telling me that Jonah was in the whale of the belly for 5 YEARS!  I love that everything (and I mean everything) has a voice.  I love that your world is so happy and carefree.

5 years ago there was another women who held you.  I won't pretend to know her heart at that time, but I imagine that she memorized your little face and kissed your sweet nose.  I think she knew in her heart that you were meant for someone else.  I think she knew that it was the only birthday she would get to be a part of.

I have no doubt that she is thinking of you today.  I can't imagine how her heart must hurt.  I know that she wishes she had made different decisions in her past but she once told me that she knows that God meant you for me.  I'm thankful that she believes that.  I'm thankful that she has allowed us to be a family.  I'm thankful that she has allowed me to be your mother. 

I pray that this year will be amazing.  I pray that God will continue to mold you into a sweet, loving little boy.  I pray that He will answer your prayer and that your brother and sister will come home.  And I pray that you will learn to love Jesus and to trust in Him in all things. 

I love you so much my sweet boy.  I can't wait to see what this year holds.

Love,
Mommy