Happy Birthday Rylee!!

6 years ago today, I was due to give birth to my first child. Sadly for me and my family, the Lord saw fit to take my child to live with Him just 6 months before. I honestly do not know that I have ever felt a pain like I did the day the doctor called and told me my baby would not survive. We had been so excited and had all ready started preparing. We were told this would never happen and now we were having a child and then a few weeks later our child was gone.

I still have a cardboard box in the back corner of a closet that I pull out now and then. It contains a little toy, a couple of outfits, my calendar and a t-shirt that says World's Greatest Dad. It is a painful box to open even to this day. It holds so many promises and tears. It is a part of me that I don't revisit often.

Of course today is the exception.

I must admit that for years I have struggled with the whys of the situation. God does not care for one of my children, but two. I am so thankful that I can rest in the fact that one day I will see them. I will enter Heaven's Gates and know my children. Thank you Lord for the promise that calms my heart.

I realize that if my two children were living with me now, I would not have my little man. We would not have begun our adoption journey when we did if I had given birth to my little ones. God has a plan and His plan was that we adopt. I'm not saying I don't long for my children but I am so thankful for the one I have today and the 2 that we are in the process of adopting and the many more to come. For some reason God saw fit to choose us to parent and love these orphans. I don't know why He chose us but I am glad He did.

February 8th is always a hard day for me. I miss my baby more than anything. I would give anything to be able to see that precious face and kiss those precious toes. But God has a different plan and I will rest in the knowledge that He has a purpose.

Happy Birthday Rylee!! Mommy loves you and misses you!