Feeling Nervous

I have been working on getting everything together for our Chili Dinner and Silent Auction that happens a week from Sunday. If you didn't know, we are raising money for our Adoption Fund. The Dinner and Auction will be held on Sunday, November 7th at 6:00 pm. All the proceeds will go into our adoption fund. If you would like to donate an item to the auction or would like more information you can email me at thejourneyhome.todd@gmail.com. You can also make a donation by clicking the donation button at the right.

With the auction being a week away, I am going over everything. Checking the items we have for auction, making sure we have enough food and praying. Praying that we will raise around $3000. That is a HUGE chunk of change. But that is the amount we need to make our first payment to the agency to get this started. I know that God will provide but for some reason I still feel a little nervous.

I don't think my nervousness comes from raising the money. I just want everyone to really have a good time. I want people to really see our heart. I want them to catch our vision. I am praying that maybe, just maybe, others will decide to walk this wonderful journey called Adoption. I want people's hearts to be open. I want them to see that it is possible to love children that are not your own as your own. To make them their own and grow their own families.

I don't know what God has in store for that night but I do believe it is bigger than I could ever dream. He knows that there are children in this world that belong in families right here in our church. He knows the details and I can't wait to watch Him work.

"There will always be an element of uncertainty. Generally speaking, you are probably never going to be more than 80% certain. Waiting for greater certainty may cause you to miss an opportunity." -Andy Stanley

I came across this quote today on some one's Facebook page and I found it interesting. There has been a lot of struggle going on in my life and for some reason this little quote gave me a little hope.

My struggles do not only come in the form of this adoption journey, but in relationships, doing God's will and finding my purpose. I have never been one of those that had to be 100% sure. If it looked good, then I was on my way. I always have about a billion ideas going on at once but that is where it stops. So many times they don't go past ideas. I know it drives people crazy because I am always changing my mind about what I want to do that day or week or month, but I have found that staying the same gets boring. I have also found fear.

Most of the time my dreams never become reality because I am to afraid to take that monumental step. You know, the one step that takes you from ordinary to extraordinary. The one that takes you from disobedience to obedience. I have to wonder how many opportunities have I missed because of uncertainty or fear. How different would my life be if I cared more about what God said then what man said?

Doing what God wants is SCARY. Half the time it doesn't even make sense. People can be very vocal when their opinion goes against what you feel called to do. I guess I may only have 80% certainty about what I am doing, but I need to have 100% certainty that God knows what He is doing. After all, it is HIS plan, not mine.

Yusuph

Scott and I went to Atlanta for the Catalyst Conference a few weeks ago. Every speaker was amazing and their messages really spoke to my heart in many ways. The person who struck me the most was Francis Chan.

Francis Chan used to pastor in California. You may know him as the author of Crazy Love and Forgotten God. Francis and his wife decided that God had something much bigger for them. They left their church and were getting ready to go to India about a week after the conference. They sold their house, packed their kids and were on their way. They didn't know how long they would be there but they knew they needed to go.

Never in my life have I seen such a giving person. He is so passionate about serving God. He wants his life to seamlessly fit into the Bible. The Bible doesn't say "and the church formed a committee to discuss the remolding project." It says "prayer was made without ceasing of the church unto God for him (Peter)." The people were praying for Peter's release and an angel came and released him. When he showed up, the people couldn't believe God had answered their prayer. Sometime we pray without really expecting God to answer. That is CRAZY!! Crazy things happen when God is working. I mean, who sends a whale to swallow someone to get His point across?

In all honesty, when Francis Chan finished preaching you just thought, "Man, I don't love God like I should." I want CRAZY things to happen. I want God working in my life. I want people to think, "What they are doing just doesn't make sense." It doesn't have to make sense to you, only to God. There is nothing boring about the God I serve.

After that message the Lord really impressed upon my heart to do more in giving to Missions. Compassion International was in attendance and they were looking for people to sponsor children in other parts of the world. They were asking people to raise their hands and pray about sponsoring a child. I sat in total quiet while God impressed on my heart that this was something we needed to do. I prayed that God would impress the same thing on Scott's heart if this was something He wanted.

When we got back to the hotel, Scott and I talked about our desire to do more for missions and the idea of sponsoring a child. We both agreed this was something we needed to do. We thought it would be really neat to sponsor a 4 year old boy that our little man could "grow up with". They will be able to write letters to each other and I hope one day they will be able to meet each other. We plan for each one of our children to have a child to"grow up with" through Compassion International.

The next day we went to find our new little boy. I love how God works, because little Yusuph was right on top of the stack. He is a couple of months older than Trent but I pray that they will become the best of friends. I realized later that Yusuph lives in an AIDS infected area and needed immediate sponsorship. Isn't it just like God to take care of things? Yusuph lives in Tanzania and we are so excited to get to know him.

When we came home we showed our little man Yusuph's picture. He didn't understand why Yusuph couldn't come live with us. He asked, "Is that my new brother?" I said, "Yes." I love my little man's sweet spirit.

I don't know if you have ever thought of sponsoring a child. It is only $38 a month. There are many children who need to be sponsored. I hope that you will consider what CRAZY thing God would have you do. I can't wait to hear the story of your new "little one". Check out www.compassion.com for more information.

He Directs My Steps

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord; and he delighteth in his way." Psalms 37:23

When Scott and I first began our adoption journey, we had many discussions about God's plan for our life. We wondered why this was the path He had put us on. We wondered why He did not allow us biological children. We questioned why having children in our home was taking so long. It was so frustrating at times. I wondered what was wrong with me. Scott and I had done everything "right" yet we felt like in some way we were being punished. We just wanted to be parents and we really didn't care how that happened.

Many times people would comment about why we did not have biological children and that it was so nice of us to adopt children since we "couldn't have our own." That used to make me so mad! Adoption is huge in my family. My cousin is adopted all though I don't remember which one. When we were growing up we were all grandkids of the same grandparents. No one was treated differently because they were adopted or biological. No one in our family was ever Plan B.

God never has a Plan B. He has a plan for our lives before we are conceived in our Mother's womb. He knew before I was born that there would be a little boy in Indiana who needed a Mommy and that would be me! He knew I would struggle. He knew I would lose 2 children in order to gain the one I have now and the many more to come. He knew every tear I would cry. He knew that we would have to leave Florida and move to Indiana to adopt our first son. HE had a plan. He has a plan for my little man. What an amazing God!!!

Adoption was never Plan B for our life. Adoption was THE plan for our family. The rest of the world may look at these children as useless or burdans of society. I look at them as children who need hope and love. God has a plan for them. They may be orphans today because they will be your child tomorrow. I can't imagine what God has planned for the lives of my children, but I am so excited to be a part of it. I think of all I could miss out on if I had said no to adoption. I get to be a part of the plan that God has for these children. How cool is that? Wow! He has ordered our steps to come together and and I GET to delight in them!

Why We are Adopting- Part 3

In late June 2007, we received a phone call about a little 10 month old baby boy that was pre-adoptive. We said that we were interested in meeting this little guy and arranged everything with his foster mother. We did not know what to expect. We were told this little guy had tested positive for cocaine when he was born and that the grandmother already had his older sister and did not want to raise another child. That is why he was already pre-adoptive.

I will never forget pulling into the driveway and praying that the Lord would show us what to do. I was so scared. Walking through that door was about to change my life forever and I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing.

Meeting that little boy was like walking into heaven. He was so precious and little. He loved to play and he has this giggle that still to this day cracks me up when he really gets tickled. We spoke with the foster mom and told her we definitely wanted this child. She told us she felt that we belonged together and would call the social worker after we left. We were going to have a son! When we left I asked Scott what he thought and he said, "He has a big head!" He sure did! Our little Charlie Brown boy changed our life!

Fast forward almost 2 years to November 2008. We stood in a courtroom pledging to forever be our little man's parents. That we would love him and care for him as if I had given birth to him. That he would forever be a Todd. Funny thing is he was a Todd the first day we met him, the judge just had to make it legal.

We had a wonderful adoption experience. There were days that were long and I wondered how much longer it would be before he was officially a Todd. It had its ups and downs but that is just part of it. Focusing on the ultimate goal, adoption, was what kept me going.

The adoption of our son reminds me of my adoption into God's family. I am so thankful that He adopted me and became my Heavenly Father when I was an orphan in this world. He showed me love and life. He has kept me safe and has corrected me. He has never turned me away. I am His! No one can ever take me away from Him, just like no one can ever take our little man away from us.

I can list all kinds of statistics about adoption and I can tell you what the scripture tells us to do, but until adoption touches your life in the most unbelievable way it is hard to understand. Until the Father, Himself, speaks to your heart and tells you He wants you to be part of something bigger than yourself you may look at me with crazy eyes! ;-) But you know what? He does want you to be part of something bigger than yourself!

I don't believe God has called us all to adopt, but He HAS called us to all do SOMETHING. It may be to pray for someone who is on this journey. It may be to financially support someone or help with fundraisers. Whatever it is, you have been called.

So why are we adopting? There are two reasons. Number 1. God has adopted me into His family and I am able to show His love by doing the same. Number 2. I think my heart would break in two if I never adopted again. I don't think I could go on knowing I would never again experience the journey of adoption. It is who I am. It is how I live. It is my purpose.

Why We are Adopting-Part 2

You don't become an adoptive parent by chance. Every adoptive parent I have ever met has had a journey. You come to a place in your life and you just know it is something you have to do. Then you look back and realize how God has ordered your steps.

Several months after the loss of our first child, we moved to Indiana. We decided to look into adoption again. I really didn't know if I wanted to get pregnant again because I did not want to go through the heartache I had recently experienced. Again nothing was really working out and once again I found myself pregnant. I was so apprehensive and nervous. I was doing my best to trust God every step of the way, even if HE decided to take this baby home to be with Him.

At six weeks I miscarried. My heart was broken. I truly did not understand why God was allowing all this to happen. We had been told we would not be able to have children, then we got pregnant TWICE and both times the Lord saw fit to take them to Heaven. This was not what I signed up for.

Finally in 2006, a family in our church felt God calling them to be foster parents. They asked us if we would be willing to take the classes and become foster parents with them. In all honesty, if they had not asked us we might still be childless. Scott struggled with the idea of having children that were not his flesh and blood. The idea of having our very first child not be "biological" was very hard for him. I honestly believed he agreed to take the class because he couldn't stand to see my tears.

Scott watched me struggle through every Mother's Day. To me Father's Day was worse because I felt that I was failing my own husband. He held me while I cried and begged God for a child. He walked with me through the grief and pain of losing our children. He was so wonderful and supportive and I believe he struggled in silence more than I will ever know.

After taking the foster care classes and doing our home study we were licensed. God had brought us to a wonderful agency and we waited. Then the phone began to ring. We were very specific in what we felt we could handle. We wanted younger children who were pre-adoptive. This meant these children would be available for adoption or were ready to be adopted. I did not want my home to be a revolving door for children. My heart just couldn't handle it. We said no to so many children. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but God was saving the perfect child for us.

There are more than 500,000 children in foster care in North America. Almost 145,000 are available for adoption. Last year 29,471 children turned 18 and left the foster care system without an adoptive family. (Dave Thomas Foundation) In 2008, there were 11,401 children in the foster care system in INDIANA. Only 1,183 were adopted.(http://www.childrensdefense.org/)

The Bible COMMANDS us as Christians to care for the fatherless and the orphans. If that isn't a good enough reason for you, I bet I can come up with 145,000 more.

Why We are Adopting - Part 1

Most people do not know our story of adoption. People know we want to adopt but they have never heard why or how we even got here. I thought today might be a good day to begin sharing that information.

Last night my little man was sick and up until about 3 am. While I sat with him and rubbed his little head, I thought about my other babies that are to come. And the nights that I will sit and rub their heads while they try to go back to sleep. I realized that even though I did not give birth to this child, I am his mother. I think I always knew that, but the Lord really reveled it to me in a sweet way. I am the one who stays up with him til 3 am when he is sick. I am the one who cheers him on when he is going the wrong way on the soccer field. He is my baby boy and no one can ever take that away from me. :-)

When Scott and I are were starting out (2000) we were told that we probably would not be able to have children. I think for awhile we were ok with that. Adoption was a part of both of our families. We had planned to adopt we just didn't realize it would come so soon.

After a couple of years of married bliss, we decided we wanted a family. We looked into adoption and foster care but nothing was really working out. Imagine my surprise when I found out I was pregnant! It was June 2004, and I decided to tell Scott by giving him a Father's Day card. Problem was I couldn't wait until Father's Day! We were so happy. Our church family was so happy. We couldn't believe the Lord had decided to bless us with a child.

I began to show pretty quickly and was in maternity clothes by about 9 weeks. I could out eat any guy so that probably had something to do with it! By week 10 something was wrong. I went in for an ultrasound and the ultrasound tech told me the baby was only about 6 weeks in size. I told him that couldn't be. I was 10 weeks along. He flat out told me I would probably miscarry that week. WOW!! I couldn't believe he felt his was his place to be so rude and unkind and hurtful.

The next week we went to the dr and she had another ultrasound done. This ultrasound tech was so sweet and kind. She couldn't tell me anything but I knew in my heart something wasn't right. That Friday, the dr called and told us that I had a blighted ovum. The sac had never attached itself and even though I grew like I was pregnant the baby had stopped growing and had died. I choose to wait for my body to miscarry on its own.

Right after we hung up with the doctor, I cried and cried. The phone rang again and it was one of Scott's friends from growing up. He and his wife were in town and wanted to know if we wanted to get together. Scott told them what had just happened and we decided to go with them. We needed to get out of the house. The Lord knew we would need our friends and I am so thankful He sent them along. I think I survived that night because they were there.

The next week my mom came and nothing happened. We dropped her off at the airport to go home and we picked up my brother. About an hour after we arrived home we sped off for the hospital. I can't describe to you what I went through because it is so graphic. But I do know the peace of the Lord filled my soul. We decided to name our precious little one Rylee. It was a name I had chosen years ago and because we did not know the gender it fit perfectly.

Scott went to the waiting room to check on my brother. While he was gone, I began to sing.

When peace like a river attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll.

Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,

It is well, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul.

It is well, IT IS WELL with my soul!

At that moment. I knew God's perfect peace. His peace really does pass all understanding. I can't sing that song without thinking about my babies that are in heaven. I know they are in the presence of Jesus safe and secure. I don't know why we were allowed to climb that mountain only to roll down it, but God had a plan. In a small way, we did figure it out later.

I did find out later that my brother had been on the phone with an old school friend. He didn't know it at the time, but she was pregnant as well. He was sharing with her what was happening and she told me later that she couldn't imagine what I was going through. We were due around the same time. A few years later, my brother married that friend. I have a beautiful niece named Mady. She was born 2 days after I was due with Rylee. I must admit, I can't help but look at her and wonder what those two would be up to if Rylee was here. On December 9th, my brother will officially adopt Mady. It will be the 2nd time we have gone to court to make an adoption final in this family! I am so excited I can hardly stand it!!

Well, I have gone on long enough. I guess you will have to come back tomorrow to read Part 2 of this journey.