Still Processing

Lake Balaton, Hungary

Words do not even begin to describe the emotions I have felt over the past week.  On June 30, I and a team of 17 others left Indianapolis, Indiana and headed for Budapest, Hungary.  We were headed there to put on a week long camp for Hungarian children living in homes.  Some might call them orphans, but in reality many of these children have parents.  The sad thing is that the living conditions of the home were better than the place the children had lived with their parents.

I had not originally planned to go on this trip, but through a series of events it was necessary that I go.  I knew going into this that my heart would be stripped from my chest, beaten, bruised and returned more raw than ever before.  I knew that my life would be forever changed.

If you have followed my blog for any length of time, you know my heart for children.  You know that I want nothing more than to have a whole houseful and you know that God has not granted that desire.  You know that we are in the process of an adoption that is not moving forward and you realize that I have not blogged because my heart hurts so much I feel that it will never heal.  Over time, I have been asked if I will continue to love the Lord even if He chooses not to give me anymore children.  He has blessed me with the most amazing little boy and while it is hard to listen to Trent ask God to bring his brother and sister to us every time he prays, I can say in my heart that I will continue to bless His name.

Over the next few days, I hope to process all that I saw, heard and felt.  I hope to share some of these things with you.  I truly believe that this is still part of the journey that God has led us on and He is faithful to finish the work He began.