Armed and Dangerous

I'm pretty sure the words armed and dangerous have NEVER been used to describe me, but last week I attended a Pastor's Wife retreat with about 150 other beautiful, armed and dangerous women.  I really didn't know what to expect but I did know that being there would change me and I couldn't wait to get there.

During the Christmas holidays, my sister-in-law Jennifer told me about this retreat.  She wanted to go and wanted me to go with her.  The retreat was being put on by a ministry for Pastor's wives called Leading and Loving It and I have to admit I wasn't leading and loving anything!  I was pretty much done with ministry and the idea of loving ministry again made me want to puke.

I had withdrawn from every ministry I was a part of because I was tired of pretending.  I was done smiling and acting as if God was doing awesome things in our life and our church when the night before I had begged my husband to quit his job and then begged God to make me sick so I wouldn't have to go to church.  I was going downhill fast and I really didn't know how to stop it.  I thought maybe I could give this whole ministry thing one more chance and decided to go.

Over the last couple of months, God has worked on my heart.  He has begun to restore my passion and love for Him.  He has raised me up out of the pit and set me on a rock.  He has lifted my eyes to Him and protected me from the Evil One.  He has shown me He is God and restored the joy of my salvation.  Only God can do those things.  It is because of Him that I am still standing.

I arrived in Nashville, TN, on Tuesday a little apprehensive but ready and who was the FIRST person I saw?  HEATHER WHITTAKER!  THE Whittaker Woman!!  OMG!!  Now you have to understand that I think buckets of goodness about Heather. She is a woman of strength and godliness and poise and I want to be just like her.  (And her husband is a pretty good singer!)

Fast forwarded to the next day at lunch.  I told Jennifer I wanted to get my picture with Heather (cause in this family we get pictures taken with people we run into that we admire).  I knew this could go one of two ways.  I could end up with an Andy Stanley story like my husband (bad) or a Doug Fields story (good).  So I went up to her and asked if I could get my picture taken with her.  Sadly, I could not get the words out of my mouth to tell her what I great person I think she is.  Actually, I have no idea what I said to her!  She had to be thinking, "Stalker!"  Anyway, she was gracious and kind and took her picture with me (which I immediately sent to my husband.) 

The three days that I was in Nashville was full of laughter, tears (lots of those), pain, struggle, victory and joy.  I had the privilege to facilitate one of the small groups and I quickly realized how much pain was in that room.  How many broken hearts were holding on for dear life.  I listened as woman after woman told stories of deceit, judgement and attacks on their husbands and families.  I listened how others had risen above this pain and comforted those in the valley.  I watched how women who did not even know each other became sisters of the closest kind all in three days.

I realized that I am not alone.  There are women all over this country who are going through what I am.  There are women all over this country who have been through what I am going through.  They have wanted to quit.  They have wanted to walk away.  I thank God that there are women all over this country who will pray with me and for me at a moments notice and because of them, I am armed and dangerous!

Check out http://www.leadingandlovingit.com/