This is hard

We have been very busy lately and to be honest staying busy is often very good for me.  I often need to stay busy so that I do not focus on how long this adoption is taking.  However, I do have my times where I sit here at my little desk and stare out the window and wonder.  I wonder about my children.  I wonder where they are or if they are safe.  I wonder if they have been born.  Sometimes I wonder why God called us to this wonderful world of adoption.  Why didn't He allow me to have babies like other women?  Why did He chose us for this journey?

This journey has been hard.  I'm not complaining because I know it makes me a better person.  I value the relationship with my child(ren) more than I would if I had not endured this struggle.  But I do get tired.  I get tired of waiting on paperwork to be approved.  I get tired of opinions on what we should do because that is what all the research shows instead of being asked "What is best for your family at this time?"  I get tired of figuring out the next fundraiser and praying it is successful so we can make the deadline for our next payment.  Some days, I wish someone would just write a check for us to adopt all the kids we want.  Then I wish that all the paperwork would be done and we would be on our way to getting our children. 

But that isn't how it works.  There is struggle.  There is heartache, BUT there is joy in this journey.  My heart sings as I remember those that have chosen this journey because they have heard our story.  I rejoice when another sweet face has a family.  I'm amazed as I watch the Lord's hand in all of it.  He is good in all things!  He has laid out this journey for us and though it is hard I would not trade it for anything.  This journey is worth it!