Prayers

I haven't written in a while because basically there isn't a lot I can say.  I can tell you that I have cried, prayed researched and BEGGED God to do something.  Right now I am tired, hurt, confused and frustrated.  I feel as though my beliefs have been attacked.  I feel that I have been asked to compromise my beliefs by those who are supposed to be on my side. 

It seems that one of the smallest points of our family life has become the focus of a debate.  A debate that will not end.  A debate that may never resolve.  We have continued to stand firm on the Word of God.  We have continued to fight, but in all honesty, I am a wounded soldier.  I'm tired of fighting.  I'm tired of crying. 

Have you ever gotten to that place where all you can do is hold on with your little finger to the firm foundation of Jesus Christ?  Have you ever thought, "Lord, you are all the hope I have left and I'm placing every last bet on you."?  Have you ever gotten to the place where all you can do is look up and trust that following Jesus is the right thing to do and He will bless you?  Have you wondered if there really is something better planned for you?

That is where I am now.  Last night, I told the Lord that there is nothing left for me to do.  There is no control left for me to have.  I'm laying it all at His feet and walking away.  I am helpless without Him.  I have nothing without Him.  He is my shelter in this storm and He will cover me and my family.  He will resolve this issue in His time and I will lay in His arms and rest until my strength returns.

My Daddy



My Dad and his crew on Trent's Adoption Day


I never really considered myself a Daddy's girl until I went to college.  I am the oldest, I'm very independent and there was a time when I thought I knew it all.  I left home at 18 to go 9 hours away to college and I was ready to be on my own. 

My Mom and my Gram took me to BBC because my Dad had to stay and work.  In all honesty, I went to BBC because of my Dad.  He took me there to visit the school (it was his alma mata) and I told him there was no way I was going there.  He encouraged me to try out for a Vocal Scholarship (which I received) and told me about this singing group that BBC had that travelled and it would help pay for my schooling.  I think he was trying to find the cheapest way to get me through college and I was thinking TRAVELLING!!  I didn't look at any other school.  I made the travelling team and thanks to my Dad I graduated debt free. 

When I got to college, I realized I wasn't so independent and I needed my Daddy.  I'm pretty sure I talked to him on the phone every day and we had the phone bill to prove it.  My Dad was my biggest encourager during those days.  Whether he knows it or not, the whole point of pushing myself through school was so that he would be proud of me.  I wanted to say that I graduated from the same school my Dad did.  It was a heritage that I needed in my life.

My Dad has always been there for me.  I am exactly like my Dad in so many ways!  He put up with more than he probably should have but in his wise way he showed me what being a good, loving parent looked like.  He taught me how to think for myself and not take other people's word as truth.  He taught me to search the Scriptures and to place all my faith in Jesus.  He taught me that sacrifice for your children is of upmost importance and that even though I'm 34 he will always be my Daddy and I will be his little girl.

So, Happy Birthday Daddy AND Happy Father's Day!  I wish I could come over and see you but I promise to call!!

The Ant

I've been sitting here at my computer watching an ant climb up the wall.  Finding an ant (or several) in my house this time of year is not a surprise.  They have cleared the field behind our house for planting so the ants are always looking for another place to live.  I watched as he made his way up and down the wall.  I don't know what he is looking for but I imagine he is looking for a way out.  This home is not familiar to him.  This home is not his natural surroundings.  Somehow he got inside and now he wants to leave.

I didn't kill him (I normally do).  I just took him outside.  That way he could find his way back to his natural home.  The home that was created for him. 

Today I feel like the ant.  Searching for a way out.  Trying to find the solution to my predicament.  The last few weeks have been so overwhelming emotionally in my life.  I can't go into details right now and I wouldn't bore you with it anyway but my heart hurts.  I have struggled to keep my head above water and I just don't feel like I can swim anymore.

Satan is battling our family.  He has worked hard to destroy us before, but this time we are doing battle on behalf of our son.  I have never been more convinced that God has something so amazing planned for that little boy.  I don't know what it is, but it is enough for Satan to feel threatened.  He won't win.  God is in control. 

I'm so thankful that when I don't have the strength to fight I can go to my Father and He can give me the rest and strength that I need to carry on.  I am so thankful that when I am weak, He is strong.  I am thankful for the people He has put in our lives to pray over us when we just don't have the words to say. 

Do you have days, weeks or even years like that?  Just trying to make it through the day?  Let me encourage you to go to the Father, seek His face, allow Him to be your strength and rest in Him.  Then keep on.  Don't give up.  He has a plan for you and it is amazing.

So, like the ant I will keep moving forward.  I will keep searching for the answers that I need and pray for wisdom as we continue on and maybe, just maybe, God will pick me up and put me right where I need to be.

Update

We have been so busy lately that I just haven't had time to post.  Things have been kind of crazy around here and I just fall into bed every night!  I guess being busy is a good thing.

We had our home study last week and it went pretty well.  It is being written up and we are waiting on the last couple of background checks.  I will be so glad when this is done because we need to start applying for grants!  We need that FREE money!  God has blessed us so much so far and I know it will continue.  God has placed us on this journey and I know He will provide.  To be honest, I have just been praying that God will just drop the money we need in our laps!

With that being said, we are working on another fundraiser.  We plan to have a Garage Sale/Bake Sale on Friday and Saturday, July 8th and 9th.  All proceeds will go toward our adoption.  If you have any items that you would like to donate to our sale, let me know and we will arrange pick up.

Well, I better get dinner in the oven.  The little man got to pick so it looks like a pizza night!  Have a great weekend!!

A Heart Full of Joy

My heart is so full today I am about to bust!  Today we found out that we are having our home study on Thursday, June 2nd at 10:00 am.  I am really excited but now I really need to get into cleaning mode.  There is so much to do before then.  This will be our 3rd home study so I should be a pro.  I'm not nervous, I just want my house to finally be Springly Cleaned so now is my excuse!  Walls will be painted, a little bit of furniture purchased and after almost 7 years of living in this house it might actually be the way I want it!

The 2nd reason my heart is so full is because one of my college roommates completed the adoption of her 4th child!  I am so excited for Lynda and Dan!  I know their hearts and how they love children.  They have made adoption a huge part of their family.  I understand the waiting and paperwork and visits.  I understand how it can wear on a person.  I am just so happy for them.  Days like this are the best.

Now for the 3rd reason!!!  A month or more ago, I wrote about the Davis family here.  They were in the process of adopting Kirill when the judge told them no because he had Down Syndrome.  Well, TODAY he is their son!  You can read about it here.  We serve an amazing God!  He is worthy to be praised!  I am so happy for them.

So as you can see. my heart is FULL of joy!  The only thing that could make this day better would be for someone to show up on my front porch with a baby for me!!   Since that probably won't happen I am going to work on this house!!  Have a joyfully full day!!

One Step Closer

I am so excited that we turned in our Home Study Notebook this past Friday!  We are now waiting to hear from the agency to schedule a date for our home study.  I am really hoping it is the first week of June so that I can spend Memorial Day Weekend cleaning!  I really need to get this house in order!

I can't wait to get this part of the process done.  Once our home study is finished, we will be able to apply for grants.  These grants will help us in the financial aspect of this journey.  Our next payment is for $5500 and we must raise $1000 to pay for our psychological evaluations.  If you would like to donate to our fund you can do so by clicking on the donate button on the right had side of this blog.

I have also had people ask how they can help us raise money but they do not live close by.  There are many ways you can help us.  First, you can pray.  Ask God what He might want you to do.  Here are a list of ideas that we have so far:

1.  Bake Sale
2.  Car Wash
3.  Garage Sale
4.  Dinner
5.  Purchase or take orders for our Adoption T-shirts
6.  Purchase items from our Etsy Store.  www.etsy.com/shop/117project
7.  Blog about our adoption journey and direct others to our site.
8.  Lemonade Stand
9.  Craft Sale
10.  Raffle

Hope this helps some of you.  Thank you for partnering with us on this journey!

Adoption T-Shirts

I am getting ready to place an order on Friday for t-shirts.  If you would like to purchase one you can do so by clicking on the right hand side of the blog under t-shirts.  These t-shirts were designed by my brother-in-law, Brian Todd.  They are black with red and white writing. 

These t-shirts come in men, women and youth sizes.  The cost is $20 for men and women sizes and $15 for youth sizes.  All proceeds go into our adoption fund.  We are currently working to raise $5500.  So far we have raised $3000.  Thank you for your help and support.

Also, don't forget to check out our Etsy store!  http://www.etsy.com/shop/117project