The Biggest Struggle

Last night was quite eventful. After working (which I LOVE my two jobs, teaching cake decorating and selling Premier Designs Jewelry) I came home to a somewhat ill husband and a little boy that was supposed to be asleep. After watching NCIS and NCIS:LA, I saw that the first miner was about to be rescued in Chile. I switched over and sat with my fingers pressed to my lips as I waited in anticipation for a view of this man. I think I cried with the rest of the world as he was lifted from the darkness to take his first breath of fresh air in over two months. I was so happy for this man, his family and the Chilean people.

Because it was so late and I really needed to get some sleep, I laid in the dark and silence thanking God for the rescue effort. I then asked Him what He wanted me to write about today. I just laid there waiting for Him to speak. So many ideas began to run through my mind but none of them were right. While trying to push them away the Lord brought Isaiah 40:31 to mind. "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint." Now I am sure that many pastor's will use the scene of the man being lifted from that deep hole for weeks to come, but because this is an adoption blog I am going to take the adoption route.

I began to think about how long those men had been waiting. 69 days! What a long time to be in the ground. I am sure in the beginning they began to wonder if they would ever be found. I wonder if panic began to set in. Did they cry? Did they question God? I can only imagine the amount of strength that was required of them as they waited. As each day passed, did they tire of waiting?

Adoption should be called "The Waiting Game". Waiting is NOT my forte! I am horrible when it comes to waiting! My mother always tells me "If you would just learn patience the first time God teaches you, you would be doing a lot better!" She is so right. I have had to "learn patience" about a billion times. Adoption requires patience. Maybe that is why I am taking the international adoption journey this time.

When it comes to adoption I want things now! The money needs to come now. I want to travel to get my children now. I am the epitome of the "now generation". If you don't know our story I promise to share it one day but I will tell you Scott and I waited 7 years for our first child to come along. We waited a long time. We lost 2 babies and had several failed adoptions during that time. It took me a long time to become what I spent my entire life dreaming I would be. Now it is here, I am a mom and I want a house FULL of children.

Not only do I think about the waiting that is required on our end, but I think about the 147 million orphans that wait everyday. These children wonder if they will be adopted. They wonder if someone will be their mommy and daddy. They want someone to show them that their life has value. Someone to teach them about Jesus. ANYONE to just LOVE them. How long will they have to wait? For some it has only been a couple of months, but for others it has been years. Jesus commanded us to take care of the orphans and the widows. How long will it be before we lift these children out of the darkness of poverty and loneliness?

Waiting is good. Isaiah 40:31 tells us waiting will renew our strength. We will be able to run the race that is required of us without weariness setting in. There is an upcoming race in my life and I will need to strength to run it. Waiting is good. Waiting is Good. WAITING IS GOOD! Maybe I just need to keep repeating that to myself!

Does it make that big of a difference?

"But Jesus said unto them, A prophet is not without honour, but in his own country, and among his own kin, and in his own house. And he could there do no mighty work, save that he laid his hands upon a few sick folk, and healed them. And he marvelled because of their unbelief." Mark 6:4-6a

These verses have been rolling around in my head for the last few days. It has really bothered me that Jesus was not honored in His own town. What bothers me even more is that because of the lack of faith of the people Jesus "could there do no mighty work". Now, I don't believe that Jesus could not do miracles, rather He chose not to do miracles because the people had such little faith. He marvelled at this. I marvel at this.

I mean think about it. These are people Jesus grew up with. These people are His family. They knew He had never sinned. They had heard of the miracles He had performed. They KNEW Him in their heads, but somehow it never reached their hearts. How did they miss it?

Jesus had just healed the woman with the issue of blood in Mark 5. In just one chapter before, we see what total, blind faith can accomplish. I wonder what Jesus was thinking in Mark 6. He had to be remembering the faith of this women. He was able to work an amazing miracle in her life because of her faith. Now he was marvelling at the lack of faith of his own people.

Fast forward 2000 or so years. Here I stand at the beginning of the adoption journey. I have stood here before. The nervousness, uncertainty and fear do not plague me as before. I have walked this road and all the while Jesus has walked beside me. I remember the lessons He taught me the last time. Some I did not learn as well and will need to learn them again. I will question God's plan. I will lack the faith I need on this journey. I am human, but I have a heavenly Father who sees the end. He has placed His hand on my future children. He has set them aside for me to be their mother. HIS ultimate goal is to bring us together. I just have to remember that no matter what storms come HIS goal is clear. I want Jesus to marvel at my faith.

So, does faith really make that big of a difference? Ask the woman with the issue of blood.

Beginning Again

Scott and I have decided it is time to add to our family. We feel that this time the Lord is leading us to adopt internationally. Many people have asked us why we are adopting internationally when there are so many children in the States who need parents. Our first child was adopted through the State's Foster Care System and we have travelled that road before. I most certainly believe that God will lead us down that road again, but the time is not yet here.

We feel the Lord wants us to adopt 2 children. We are hoping for a boy around the age of three (3) and girl as young as possible. I must admit that I continue to struggle daily with the thought of raising $30,000 to $45,000 in order to adopt two (2) children. Some days I try to "remind" the Lord that He owns the cattle on a thousand hills so $45,000 is nothing to Him. Then He reminds me that if we had adopted our first child when I thought the time was right we wouldn't have our son. He wasn't even born yet! It is possible that our children have not yet entered this world.

A friend recently told me that she was reading Corrie ten Boom's book. She said that Ms. ten Boom never asked people for money to support her orphanages. She just laid it at the feet of Jesus and let Him take care of things. That pierced my soul. Oh to have that kind of faith. Thank you Ursula! I think about that every day. I have so much to learn about this thing called faith.